the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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