All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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