If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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