If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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