you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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