I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just invented taco cereal.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
