She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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