what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
