I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
