Rock
Scissors
Fuck
now i know why i became what i already was.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
