I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
