I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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