i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
