booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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