Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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