Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
