The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
