I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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