Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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