I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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