When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
