john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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