Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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