Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
