Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize