come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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