Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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