There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
