What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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