Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
