I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't turn off my feet"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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