summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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