Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
