Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
