ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
