i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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