I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
