how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
