i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
