But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
