Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
