when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
