I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
