Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
