Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you win again, gameday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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