it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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