Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
