apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
