i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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