My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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