the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
