Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I cockslap morals
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
