When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
