He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize