Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
