Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
