I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
