Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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