I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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