it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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