my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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