anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
