After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
