what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
