Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
