if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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