my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
