You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
