Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
