just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
