I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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