Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
