Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
