How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All the doctor said was why
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
